Dear Friends,

Friday was treatment #11, which tells me it has been a while since I've posted to Pink Ink.  Please forgive me.  I'm struggling to write.  My breast cancer journey has taken a lot of twists and turns and the latest twist surprised even me. 

Anxiety has been ruling my life since my first treatment.  I can't really explain it.  The procedure itself freaks me out.  The fear of the effects on my skin worries me.  And more.....

I'm trying to rein it in and I feel better, thanks in part to meds, but I'm still struggling.  My therapist has been working with me.  My radiation oncologist and the radiation technicians have been trying to help.  My friends and family are encouraging me, some texting me daily.  I have a friend's Miraculous Medal.  I have several prayers and verses from scripture.  A college friend, who is a 5-year "thriver" sent me a lovely pocket-sized prayer shawl and a book "Praying Through Cancer".  Last night, I picked it up and started reading through it.  In the acknowledgement section, the author wrote: The God of the universe wants you to "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" (1 Peter 5:7)  I felt as though she was talking to me as those words jumped off the page.  

After 11 treatments, my skin is doing OK.  I am grateful and give much credit to the Pure Emu Oil that I am using multiple times per day on the entire area being radiated...direct from Australia!  

As for the procedure itself, that one is hard to explain.  It is a lonely endeavor.  My fight or flight response kicks in.  But...I haven't run out of the room yet.  This is the machine that delivers the beam. The machine rotates around.  First it's to my left shooting the beam and then rotates to my right where I can't even see it.  I've thought about giving the monstrosity a name.  Perhaps Sunshine or Sunny, since it is giving off healing rays.  I'd be open to your help in helping to name it!
 

I am tiring faster and am listening to my body, trying to give it the rest that it needs to aid in the healing process.  Christmas is coming and I'm pacing myself.  Some things will not get done and I need to be okay with that fact.  

That's about all I have today.  Although, I just got a message from my friend that had her bilateral mastectomy three weeks ago....no chemo!  In her words "the best Christmas present ever".

Enjoy the days leading up to Christmas.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support.  I appreciate each gesture, be it a text, call, email, card, visit, flower arrangement.  I don't know what I would do without you!!!!  Love you all!!!